Anheuser-Busch Performs Voodoo on Quarterly Earnings Report

By Tim Grubbs
July 24, 2008
Business

An article from Reuters Wednesday says that InBev sell-out Anheuser-Busch’s second-quarter profits rose to $689 million compared with $677 million a year ago, and the brewer attributes the success to the release of their latest product line, Bud Light Lime.

Obviously, even the most novice of beer drinkers knows that lime goes in a Corona, not in a Bud Light. In order for Bud Light Lime to affect the profit margin of a large conglomerate like AB, people would have to actually buy it, which leads people not wearing $3,800 suits in some highrise office somewhere to believe that Anheuser-Busch’s financial gurus must be using that “new math” our children keep learning about in public school - or performing Voodoo ceremonies over the SEC filings.